Last Official League Game

This was the last week of the league season.
Some really good memories were made on the course this year!

The foursome was Willie, myself, Bobby, and Stevilicious.

The big boss was impressed with my beer can drive.

It even outdrove him.

DEV - Bass Down Low (Explicit) ft. The Cataracs

Dev rocks. For no reason. I can't figure it out. She just does.

Betty

She's the ultimate in funny.

The ultimate in feel good.

The ultimate in cunning.

We all should kneel to Ms. White.

Sign Your Pee, Please

Wildman, Badass Billy G, and the Stickman (me) all went in for a drug test today.  It was odd.

Wildman seemed a bit nervous.  Evidently he doesn't like whizzing on command.

Badass Billy G made sure not to pee all morning so that he would really have to go.

Good old Stickman forgot all about the drug test, and decided the previous night to knock back some beer rather late into the night.  Hmmmmm.  Great idea.  That's gonna be a darn fine sample they have there, I tell ya.

So we all get there, and of course we were all joking about it.  But I don't think any of us expected it to be as weird as it ended up.  At least, it ended up weird for me.

They call my name first, and I walk in.

I was told to empty my pockets, and open all the compartments of my wallet.  I'm not sure how much test-fooling pee I could hold in my wallet, but hey...this lady was on top of things.

I was handed the little cuppie thing, and then told to wash my hands while the lady watched.  Then I had to give the soap to her.

I did my thing in the cup.

When I opened the door, I hit her with it.  Evidently she was listening to me pee.  She needs to get a hobby.

Then she filled a couple of tubes with my stuff, and told me to follow her back into the bathroom so she could dump the rest out.  Maybe she felt she needed mutual support or something.

Then we went back to the table with my pee on it, and she seals the vials.  I was then told to verify it's my pee and sign the seal.

Huh?

So I looked at her and said I wasn't sure how to verify that it was mine.  Then I asked if I could have a taste test.

OK, so she had no sense of humor.  Oops.

I signed the seals.

We went back to the office.

And we all thought it was odd that we had to sign our pee.

***

And the vials were all warm feeling.  Eeew.

willie nelson!

this really wasn't much more than what the title says.

idiotic.

there were some funny parts,  but for the most part this movie just didn't do it for me.  mr. rudd did very well, but...eh...i dunno.  it just flopped for me.

but it was great to see willie, miss thang, and the ninja.  we all seemed to have a great time.

you know, because we just rock like that.

When I finally quit, I am sure going to miss the apples.

I don't even like eating apples, but I like this stuff.

It does not go well with Beam, however.

But oddly enough, Copenhagen Black (a bourbon blend) also does not go well with it.

And I thought everything from corn flakes to cupcakes went well with Beam.  Go Figure.

Ah.  Soon the good ole' days of "hawk-tooey" will be gone.

Sad face----> :(

Bissell Sucks Like A Hoover

A new vacuum cleaner!

Why do I get so excited over such things?

That's what happens when you go to use yours and it smells like dog tookis.

Taking it apart and cleaning it didn't quite work out so well.  So while I still have it, I think this new one will work out fine for now.

Oh, I'm going to be a vacuuming maniac.

Bad Ass Billy G and I worked out the plan in advance, and it worked flawlessly.
We have finally tested the medium voltage motor control center.

I rigged our PLC with a bunch of wire, BABG whipped up some PLC code, and we cranked over some motors without a single hitch.

We were both prepared to sign autographs afterwards.

Juice, Dave G, Willie, and I were teamed.
I had some excellent drives.  Some excellent fairways.  Some excellent chips.
I honestly think it was the most fun on the course I've had all season.
The conversations afterwards were great, too.
Only one more week of regular season golf.

Cuppity Cakes

I just ate the last of the cupcakes that the Ninja gave me.

(No, that's not a real picture of the cupcake.)

They were in my fridge for...over a week?

And that last one, while kinda slimy, was still good.

Thanks, Ninja!

Hope you feel better soon...

Jurrasic Barf Still Rocks

Big robot dinos chasing people.

I think that would scare anybody.

I remember when I was 16, and it scared me.  I felt all girlie.

OK.  I am girlie.  But still.

It's still a pretty good movie, and it's pretty flippin' sweet that it's on AMC.

Actually it's part 3 that's on.  And it's not as good as the original.

Tea Leoni kinda blows chunks in this movie.

With all the things going on in the USA, why are all the news channels rambling about Gaddafi?
I really don't care about that douchebag.

Bobo Memorial 2011

The Bobo Memorial for 2011 was an odd one.

Big Dipper was my partner.  I have to say that kid can hit.

He must have lost his putting mojo, however.

It rained most of the time while we were at Over Lake.  Evidently it rained enough that they canceled our tournament after 9 holes.  Bastards.

The only cool thing about that 9 holes was the awesome beer can drive I did on hole 9.  It must have gone 200 yards or so.  Not bad.

Afterwards, we had some crappy food at Hunter Jack's.

I shot some pool with Big Dipper.

Joked with Bruce The Juice.

And jumped at the chance to play another 9 holes at Beachwood when the idea was proposed.

Wildman was my partner at Beachwood!

We had a blast.

The course was great, but of course my judgement by then may have been impaired.  (Ahem)

Lots of beer, two golf courses, playing with Wildman, and making some sweet shots all made the "tournament" worthwhile.

But what a joke when it comes to Over Lake.

They suck.

I went to dinner with Marty The Party and Marcus!

We laughed, bragged, and ate great food.

Why can't every night have a great dinner like that?

Range Trip With The Chef

The Chef and I went to the range this morning.

I brought the jam-o-matic and the G27, and he brought his Springfield XDM.

Talk about a good time.

It took me a bit to shake off the coffee and nicotine rush.  Once my hands stopped shaking I was hitting the paper.

I found his Springfield to be an easier gun to shoot, and maybe that also played a role in my lack of bad-ass-ness this time around.  But I was doing pretty good after a while.

The G27 is flawless, and powerful...I certainly love it.  In fact, I'm going to marry it.

After we were done shooting, we walked over to the rifle range to see what kind of rifle was making all the "ka-booms".  This dude had an assault rifle.  We chatted him up for a while, showed off each other's guns, and the Chef even got to shoot the assault rifle.

We had a good time, for sure.

****

The Chefster is a dangerous man with his Springy.  He was killing the targets.

Comedy Club

I got invited to the comedy club and it was great!

Although, I am paying the chef back.  I'm not wanting to be a moocher.

Observation made that night:  ladies dressed like lumberjacks are hot.

You Read My Blog, Samina? Well, Read This!

It's good to know that Samina is still alive...

...but getting married?

Well, darn.

'Mina...we could have been so good.  Well, we'll always have that really romantic lunch date...when I took you to Taco Bell.

Hope your husband is as smooth as I am.  Otherwise you're getting jipped.

(Congrats, Samina.  Love you.)

i only had two golf balls left and i made it through the game.
sweet.

So I draw a non working pistol.
Smooth move.
New news: Stick is psycho after all.
Sweet.  I was thinking the rumors were false.

I certainly wish sharts came with more of a warning.
Not cool.
But funny.

this is now me.

well, according to the cloud site.

i turned out to be a sexy beast and a half.

The Grim Reaper Is Named Alowishus

Motorcycle, firearms, dip, whiskey, and stogies.

Fill a day with that, and I'm a happy Paul.

(Obviously, the order of the activities needs to be considered.)

It's not that I want to die young.

It's that I want to die happy.

Big difference.

Besides.  When the Grim Reaper comes tapping at my window with his little sickle, I'll shoot him.

Chef's 9

Somebody's gotta do something about his gun.

Stick to the rescue.

Wow.  Cleaning the bathroom is going to be awful.
I need a gas mask with potpourri in the filter.

I slept in.
I had some Beam.
I took a nap.
Watched some TV.
Vacuumed.
Rode the motorcycle.
Hung with the Ninja's family.
Ate crab cakes and clams.  Thank god....finally some seafood!
No stress today.

People.
The time has come.
Time go get help.
Wish me luck, y'all.
This will be embarrassing.

Eric!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dude, you dawg you.

You go boy.

There's a woman worth it.

Congratulations, man.

Love you,

Stick man

It's nothing but a stereo.
Now, I think I've handled those a few times.
So why am I being all weird about it?
Dude,  I am just not in the right mind for it.
You don't mess with electrical stuff.
There's some things I need to handle.  Soon.
Or those things will kill me.
I'll handle it.
Or I'll die.
Either way, I am the baddest stickman that ever lived.

Ninja Night

I had some kielbasa and krout at the Ninja's place.
Her mom is a pretty good cook, though I have it from a good source that her Dad cooks better.
I rode the Bonnie over there, even though I shouldn't have.
Ninja's older sister was there.  Yeah, I wasn't impressed regardless of her rep.
(She's got nothing on the Ninja.)
Daddio treated me like I was the best guy on the planet, Mom let me give her a butt squeeze, and the Ninja was the best to me ever.  She treats everyone well.  I'm no exception.
I was leery of firing up the little Bonnie afterwards.  I thought she wouldn't run well.  After all, she fought me tooth and nail when I went for a ride earlier in the day.
But, I did the usual check, put my gear on, and she fired up like "dude, relax...ain't no problems here".
And I rode another 30 miles.
Talk about a great night.
One of them nights where you feel like you might belong somewhere.
If only.

FAME

Well, I wish I would have done some research before I went to this play.

Evidently, "Fame" is a musical.

I look at the flier, and I see that it even says that it's a musical.

But, I didn't do any research.  I just went.

I took the Ninja, because hey, she rocks, so why wouldn't I?

Talk about wow...she dressed up and looked mighty fine.

Meanwhile i just wore normal clothes and looked like a vagrant.

But that's how I roll.

Either way, it was fun.

Even with all the dudes in tights with their raisins showing through.

They could really sing.  I mean really.

So overall, I have to say.  My first musical.  And...it really wasn't that bad.

Especially since I know for a fact my raisins are bigger.  Booyah.

Ladies, eat your hearts out.

Willie and I tore it up!
I had the best beer can drive that I ever had.  And the best part was, I told Willie that it would be the best.
I made par on some hole, but I don't remember which one.
Willie was impressed.
Rough part of the night was slipping in a big pile of crap.
I twisted my knee when I slipped, and it hurt pretty bad, but hey...serves me right I guess.
After the game, Willie left (of course,married dudes are whipped like no other) and I just hung out with Marci.
Naggy wasn't there, so I had to work my mojo without my main man. Hell, I did better without him.
I told her about Patti.
She said she'd look into it.
Thanks, Marci.

Reflecting

Black Beamer tonight.

Reflecting on things.

***

How About This Guy

In some parts of the world you get caned to the point of bleeding just for vandalism.

In some parts of the world you get your hands cut off for stealing.
In this part of the world you get free cable for life for molesting children.

Raise the debt ceiling?  How about no longer paying for "humane punishment" for decades and decades....for some umpteen thousand prisoners with life sentences.

I like the death penalty.

I like eye for an eye.

I suppose it doesn't matter about this guy anyway.  How long do you think he will last in prison anyway?

Maybe some murderer has enough sense to take care of bitness.

All the parents who gave their kids up to this dude need the same punishment.

Vanishing Point

A friend asked to see me tonight.
I said OK, but I needed to pay bills first.
I was feeling especially lazy, but I got off my ass after paying bills and drove over there.
I sent a text when I was done with with the bills.
I sent a text when I got there.
Sure, I could have knocked, but the father sleeps early, and there are two crazy dogs that would bark up a storm.
I sent another text.
Drove around the block.  Tried calling, it rang until it went to voicemail.
Texted again.
Finally after almost home, I get a call through.
She didn't seem to have anything to say.
I asked what was on her mind (you know, why she would want me to come over).
She said "nothing."
Well, now that was a waste of time.  Back to being lazy for the night.

The reality of many of the things I've done set in today.

I live with regret.

evee-ting i do is cwazee biiiig.

If manliness had a meter, I think we'd break the needle.

Ladies.  Stop staring.

(Taken on THIS golf outing.)

I never looked this cool on the radio.
Must be just a 'her' thing.

i realized i had no way to reach my brother.
so i got hold of a stranger to see if i could find him.
i'm not sure why.

I am incredibly happy.
Phillie is recovering.
Now I don't have to kill her for dying on me.

last night: wet golf

willie is quickly becoming the preferred partner.  he really knows how to put up with me.

we played great.  i felt awesome out there this week.  ball contact, aim,....everything felt as good as it had sometime ago.  i still did it all wrong, but it FELT good.

it started to pour from the heavens while we were still on the field.  playing in a down pour was fun until i slipped and hurt my ribs.  i knew it must have been a real injury when it hurt as bad as it did, even after 6 beers.

(yeah, it was a rough morning. hurt to move.)

we all partied like crazy afterwards in the clubhouse....with pat!  i hadn't seen that lady since the millcreek days.  she was always great as a bartender.  really nice to see her again.

oh, and she evidently got married a month ago.  booooooooo.

by the way pat, if you ever read this...not cool to give me false contact info.  you douchebag.  i still love you, but that was an uncool thing to do.

things didn't go well for her.
around 3am phillie was admitted.
evidently she had a heart attack.
sweetheart, i love you.
you are not allowed to die.
because i'll kill you if you do.

Primus - Golden Boy [Bass Cover]

is this guy not the coolest?

surely he gets the women.

if not, at least les claypool would be proud. dead-on bass playing. he makes it look easy.

Rohn Needs THIS

The Fu-Manchu rocks.  I always thought Rohn should sport one.

But his handlebars were super sweet, so he was just as cool in my opinion.

But this beats the 'chu.

If I could do it, I would.  Alas, I have a girlie face.

I'm counting on you to fulfill my dream someday, brother.

Women Rules. Because I Am The Expert. Or Something (Jerk?)

(Let the hate mail roll in.)

Rules.
Life is full of them.  All aspects of life.

And there are unwritten rules that are learned through maturing (or in my case a lack thereof) that apply to most men and women in relationships.

While this is somewhat tongue in cheek, these are my observations:

1.)  While equality is what women fought for, and deserved, they instead have their own brand of equality.  Basically equality to a woman means they want all the same opportunities as men, but also with special privilege.
Silly example 1:  men always pay on a date, regardless of who asked who out, and regardless of who makes more money.
Silly example 2: men are never to be in touch with an ex.  That's a no-no, because according to any girl you date, men cannot be trusted.  However, she will almost always be in touch with exes...because clearly those men are exceptions to the rule that is imposed on you.

2.) Men want a woman that loves them for who they are.  Women, however, want a man they can change.  What happens once they realize they can't change him, or they succeeded?  Well these days that means they need another project. They move on.

3.) Women like money.   Period.  Their money is their money.  But your money is also theirs.  This sense of entitlement shows itself when they have car problems.  The man pays to get it fixed.  Or when they are short on bills.  The man pays the bills.
If the man is short on money and cannot handle these things...these days women decide you must be kicked to the curb.

4.) Women like to be in control.  You will wake up in the morning to realize that she already has this plan of what y'all are going to do.  You really don't have much say, unless of course, you want to argue.  Typically, the "plans" involve things that really don't require you.  It's things like running to Walmart, or going out to eat.  And of course, it's your money that gets spent.

5.) Women will never put any man above their children.  Even if you are the biological father.  Is this wrong?  Hell no.  But be ready to accept the fact that now you are nothing but a tool...you only exist to provide her with the means to raise HER babies.  You're the dad, but they are HERS and not yours.

Now then, a woman still needs to have that special attention...so you can't give her the same treatment that she gives you.
A lot of divorces center around the fact that "he just wasn't there for me".  The legal term is "irreconcilable differences", which means...they simply didn't get what they wanted.
Which ALSO means she takes all of your money in court.  And HER babies.  And gets another man later, if she wasn't already boinking one on the side.  Win-win-win for her.

6.) Women purposely pick fights.  They love to ask the questions that have no right answer.  Every guy knows this one, and it needs no examples.

7.) Women know people cannot read minds, including their female friends.  Plus, since they typically keep in touch with ex boyfriends, they have plenty of examples that men are no exception.  Yet, you should know what is on her mind at all times without her telling you. Each time you verify that you cannot read her mind, the sky is the limit as to what she picks a fight about.  Or maybe you do not get laid.  Ah yes, getting laid....that brings me to the next one.

8.) Both men and women enjoy sex.  But they enjoy it for different reasons.  For men, it is pleasure.  For women, it's all about the power.
Men marry women because they love them and don't want to change...plus they get to have sex with that sexy woman for the rest of their lives!
Women, on the other hand, marry because the man provides them with what they want, will spend the marriage trying to change them,....and so that they never have to have sex again unless it's going to get them something.

Typically they just stop having sex.

If you wait until marriage to have sex....I don't even have the energy to tell you the obvious truth on that.

9.) As a man, you will always be wrong.  Period.
Example:  you wake up and want to get things done around the house, or some other productive activity.  She, however, has this whole day planned out already.  So you go along unless you want a fight.  Now along the way, she will take the liberty to modify the plans on a whim.  If any part of her list doesn't get done...it's still somehow your fault.
Hell, it's even your fault if she gets a flat tire along the way from running over glass.  Somehow you should have swept the darned road for her in advance.  And yes, you either get out to put the spare on, or pay to have the tire plugged.  Her money has more important applications.  Like a new purse or pair of shoes. They need five hundred of each, you know.

10.) Most women want children.  So do men, for that matter.  However, once you bring those little babies into the world, my oh my you just don't understand what it's like to be a mom.  Hey, I am thankful for that since they make it out to be like absolute HELL.  Why they even wanted the kids is in question all the time after they make it out to be so bad.
Sure, they carry the kid for months in their gut.  Men didn't write the rules on that, so sorry ladies...blame men for that all you want.  And sure, they go through the labor pains.  Men are more than happy not to.
But largely because of those two facts, which are unique only to women, a man just can never be the better parent.
As an offshoot and example:  Men are constantly accused of not spending enough time with kids.  Well, it doesn't matter that they are trying to get things done around the place, or trying to read their woman's mind, or anything else they are up to.  It's never enough time.  However, when you are spending time with the kids, the woman loves to be over your shoulder and point out how your messing up.  According to a woman, a man can't even hold a baby right, or change a diaper properly.
And if you appear to spend more time with the kids than with her....uh oh..."he just wasn't there for me".
Ouch.  You're gonna get nailed either way, dudes.

Yes, dudes.  It's going to be rough.

Do women have long lists of complaints?  Of course they do.  But since I'm a man....I guess I'm not giving a crap about that side of the fence.

That side of the fence is all frills, pink things, and other annoying shite anyway...so let them have that side of it.

I am the ultimate expert on women.  Do not pay attention to the fact that I've never been successful in a relationship.  Rule of thumb?  Blame them.

They're all blaming the dudes also.  But y'all already knew that.