1.) Blame him for everything. He already feels he is wrong, but out of his lack of confidence he isn't sure. So he needs you to always let him know. He appreciates it, trust me.
The sky is the limit on this one. Hell, blame him for something your mother said even. After all, the blame belongs with him.
2.) Criticize his dress ware. You know, those comments like "you're not going to wear that, are you?" Forget the fact that your apparel may be fairly appalling (or might not be), a man needs you to dress him. Men are only good at scratching themselves, so please...either dress him or criticize every choice in clothing he makes. You'll straighten him out sooner or later, ladies. Have patience.
3.) If there's something on your mind, make the man guess at what it is. Since he will guess wrong, please have a pre-determined guilt trip response prepared. A man needs to feel guilty in order to think it's an actual relationship.
Guilt to a man is like a fifty-fifth pair of shoes to you. It's like gold.
4.) While he is not allowed to flirt with women, you must flirt with men. Obviously there is a difference, and while men will fail to understand this...it will drive them to work harder at getting you to notice them instead of other men.
He will see the light sooner or later.
5.) If you have children with your man, ignoring him and reminding him constantly that he is not your number one focus is a must. Somehow men forget this. So while the children is his number one focus as well, he needs to fully understand that he is (at best) number 5 on the list.
List order:
1.) Kid(s) / Self
2.) Self / Kid(s)
3.) Any family member
4.) Any pet
5.) Maybe him, unless there is a milk man who is really cute (then refer to number 6)
6.) Last chance placeholder for Him
6.) Your man hated every hobby he ever had before you were with him. Those were just to bide the time until you came along. You are, after all, the woman of his dreams. He spent his whole life yearning for somebody just like you, and nothing else. So do away with his hobbies, or when he backslides, go back to the pre-determined guilt trip responses. They go a long way.
7.) Exhaling quickly with a blank stare always makes a man feel like an action needs taken. So, in a situation where you feel he is falling short....the classic exhale is what a man is looking for. But use it wisely, or it will begin to fail in its effectiveness.
8.) Consistent moods are a bad thing. If things are too consistent, a man will get too comfy and lazy during that particular time. He may belch and scratch himself if that happens. So to avoid this, never be consistent. A good beginner's approach is to change moods all of the sudden. That'll keep him on his toes.
Happy one minute, then (exhale) disappointed.
Say it with me, ladies.
Altogether: Happy one minute, then (exhale) disappointed.
There, you got it now!
9.) One week each month you have the ability to treat him anyway you want, and to put the blame on the nasty little thing you are going through. This is your right as a woman. A man accepts this. If he is going through a nasty ordeal, like a car accident or knee replacement.....it pales in comparison to that time of the month. So you can't let him get sloppy. No sympathy for him. Tell him to suck it up.
Men are allergic to caring. Remember that.
10.) Least on the list, but very important. Bathrooms belong to you. Men have no right to have anything in there, and in fact they themselves have no right to BE in there. Make your man take his one bottle of plain shampoo outside and bathe with the hose. The bathroom only has room for your four different shampoos, your conditioners, body washes, loofahs, tampons, maxipads, makeup, frilly towels, fancy razors, etc.
Oh, and taking his razor to shave your legs is allowed. He actually appreciates it.
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